Salaam Alaikum

Dear Allah,
I don't know how to address You and I'm sure it won't matter because You know what's in my heart and I'm pretty sure you know how much I love and respect You, with all my heart and strength.

For the first time in a month, I smiled today. It's true that You work in mysterious ways and I'm still trying to figure them out, but alas, I'm a mere servant of You and such knowledge would be beyond my capacities. You have lightened my heart so much. I know now that whatever happens happens for the best and for me to complain would entail me on questioning Your perfect judgement.

There are a few things I want You to know, and it's obvious You know. You know Allah, sometimes I get angry at You. And then I feel guilty because You treat my anger and bitterness with patience and love. When I feel really hopeless and helpless I know right away it's a test from You. Sometimes, I just want to pound my fist in the wall and hope it would come crumbling down. It's true. Things don't always go my way and I need to learn to accept that. It hurts that I invest my time and effort into things and people and at the end of the day, I am left bitter. If You know that I'm already hurt, what's the point of adding more hurt on top of another? I know there's a good reason for that and I shouldn't question You but please know that I'm not doing it out of anger but out of helplessness.

At other times, I become really blind to everything else. I have such a black and white perception of the world. I've never had a problem with that before but why is it that it matters? I don't understand why anyone would care. Someone would either love You, or not. There's no in between. And I just don't understand why it bothers anyone as to how I see things and more importantly, I don't get why it bothers me that that's how they see me as.

When You answer my duas, You make me feel very content with myself. I know You can hear me and see me and most importantly, I know that You love me. If everyone were to abandon me, it would make no difference because the love and compassion You show me everyday is so much and the love I receive from others is not even 1/1,000,000th close to Yours.

You know Allah, when I cry to You out of frustration, anger and confusion, I know You can see that and I can just hear You saying "I know you can do this Iya, I'm only testing you. When you're down and have nowhere to turn, You can turn to Me. That's what I'm here for. Know that I love you." Yes, that's very true. I need to turn to You more often.

Allah, I am so sorry. I hope You can forgive me for most of my sins. I have sinned and probably caused others to sin along with me and I have repented for every single one of them and have asked forgiveness for everyone involved. My only hope is that You will somehow be able to forgive me. Pleasing You is the only thing I am worried about because I feel like I anger You too much. I know I am sometimes selfish and I don't always do things in Your name but I hope to change that. Not only that, but also, I have hurt many people in the past, both intentionally and unintentionally. Please forgive me for that, too.

You have shown me so much kindness but most importantly, You have taught me the importance of patience and forgiveness. I do have a hard time forgiving people when I am left hurt and bruised but I guess I can't ask for forgiveness without forgiving them and myself, first and foremost. I hope You will continue to help me as I learn to grow and mature with time.

There are people who aren't always fortunate and I have become aware of how it feels to be left shattered and frustrated and I hope I have more gratitude for the simple things in life. All these trials and tribulations from You have strengthened me in one way or another. I am so glad I have turned to You today. Please shower Your Mercy, Love and Forgiveness upon me. I love You so much!

Love Always,
Mujahid E Musafir xXx ♥

Wa Alaikum Salaam
Salaam Alaikum,

In our everyday society, we come across different structural as well as imbalanced portraits of our modern eras, combined with the gesture of mankind that has established a solid yet controversial foundation in human times. This gesticulation of proportions has created an amazing yet appalling atmosphere in the terrain we are currently living in. Simply, the Earth is no longer a retro-captured imagery of the past, however momentarily a suffocating depiction of the environment we have created regarding innovative technologies. If we as humans look back upon eras without technologies, or merely a life with simple tools, we can depict a perfect example of how humans have survived. Unlike that, modern sciences have gone so far that it is revolving around an infinite concept of creating and evolving from previous equipments to a brand new dimension of minute-form, or rather, complex yet manageable machineries, simultaneously. The process of debasing life or our surroundings is easier than we assume it to be. However, reversing that destruction is near impossible, as we can easily realize the vast influence it has taken upon Earth.

In my mind, I believe that it is basically unattainable to clean up and purify our world. The Earth is approximately 42,000 kilometers in circumference, while roughly it is composed of 70% of water. Now, think about how many people there are on this Earth. If you believe deeply that it is possible to save the Earth, then think again as to how many of those people will actually leap forward and take that stand with you. In terms of this, regarding your decision, realize that Earth’s conditions are worsening considering the fact that most inhabitants are drawing back, or ignoring from this participation of improving the Earth. The more you try to progress this notion of saving Earth, the more problems you will come across, and the more unbearable it will become.

It’s not in my perception to figure out a way to save or stop anything from occurring. Scientists and even more advanced minds have been figuring this out for years now, and no one has reached anywhere close to success. In order to slow down pollution, you have to attain the support of thousands of people to limit their use on natural resources, and that would include factories to shut down, causing a loss of profits or business to another hundreds of people. Believe it or not, humans are greedy and hypocrites. That’s not to say that you or I aren’t. I’m basing this on all human beings. When Earth reaches its end, then that is when occupants will open their eyes and finally see the destructions they have caused. I am saying it over and over again that there is NO WAY to stop the world from melting away unless there is at least 96.43% of participation, bearing in mind the devastation that has aroused thus far as a result from the unwilling awareness of humans. In order to prevent further disasters, you have to get the willing support not only from naturalists, but also from people that are unwilling to realize the consequences that can take place in the next 10-40 years. It’s actually not about trying to stop or slow down the problems of Earth, but rather about maintaining yourself to use what you have to get a way around that; basically like working with what you have to create something new with it. If truth be told, you cannot use what you have to get rid of the previous problems, because you’re just using the crisis you have to generate a new dilemma. I know this sounds crazy, but I believe that’s what needs to be done thoroughly.

Wa Alaikum Salaam
Salaam Alaikum,

Dear Heart,
Can you please try your best to stop beating so hard? You make it very difficult for me to concentrate. I know you are shattered but I think you can piece yourself up, InshaAllah. I think it's time for you to know that I no longer wish to feel the butterfly-in-stomach, stomach flip, flutters, and all those rapid heartbeats when my mind wanders off to whatever it is that makes you go haywire. Good luck with that.

When I face Allah as a humble, insignificant servant, you start to pound really hard. I'm not sure if it's out of fear, expectations or because you're still hurting. But if you continue with these palpitations, you'll be hurting yourself moment by moment. Please try your best to control that, too.

You should also be aware that I don't like seeing you in such a condition. There's no need to suffer. No one deserves to be loved any more than Allah swt. I would also like you to help me focus all my love and admiration in the direction of Allah swt. I think we can do it and find the answers together.

Sometimes, you get really excited and you should also work on limiting that because your excitement isn't always what I'm expecting. I'm guessing we both want different things. I doubt we can compromise. When I meet someone, please don't feel inclined to them. I don't believe it's worth it. When I pass by, steal a glance or even think for a moment, please realize that I'm under no circumstances to be pondering about such things. I know you will be shattered not once, not twice, not thrice but countless of times but you should know it's worth it everytime... because after each time, comes a better and more worthful moment. I know you may become upset, angry, bitter, annoyed, frustrated and sometimes feel betrayed, but it's best to look away from such feelings.
I also know that there's no point of lying to you since you know every emotions better than I do. But when I do lie about how I feel, I'd appreciate it if you can resort to believing me, or at least trying, instead of continuing to do the right thing. You hurt me when you go out of your own way to please a stranger and come back broken into a million pieces. When I meet someone, please don't shatter or feel you have to be honest with your emotions with them. Just ignore. Good luck with that, too.

I think it's time you and I try to stay grounded and not let our emotions run away with us. Thank you for teaching me all these small, valuable, somewhat disturbing and unbelievable, yet worthful life values. I thank you for that.

Love Always,
Mujahid E Musafir ♥ xXx

Wa Alaikum Salaam
Salaam Alaikum,

So you know how we always complain and nag about the smallest things and sometimes even the biggest? Well, I got a chance to ponder about that and came to terms that whatever happens is by the grace of Allah swt. So whether I get into the University/College of my choice or not, whether I meet the people I want or not, whether I get a chance to go to space or not is all in the Hands of Allah Swt. So when we complain about it, we're really pretty much questioning Allah's works and our kismat [fate].

And to be quite honest, both good and evil, chance and mishaps are from Allah Swt. That's not to say that Allah is always creating doom or He doesn't like me and so on and on because He also gave us free will-- one chance to change our destiny.

There are times when we can't always put the blame on Allah, Astaghfirullah. Because the Prophet PBUH said, "Tie your camel first, then put your trust in Allah" (At-Tirmidhi). 

With that being said, we have to take the first steps in whatever it is we want to achieve, make lots of du3a2, put our faith in Allah and leave the rest to Allah swt.

So if I fail my test, it's not because Allah decided to hate me that day, but more so because I was lazy and didn't study. But there are times when it turns out for the best. By me failing that test, I may have learnt a valuable lesson, whatever that lesson may be. Yunno, we somewhat DO have a way to control our fate in the smallest possibilities if we are given that hint of free will. There are so many ways and in the smallest of things and oftentimes, we end up taking those chances for granted. But like they say, everything happens for a reson, good or bad. If I end up missing that bus once again, there may very well be a perfectly reasonable explanation for that because by the end of all my frustration, I may have ended up meeting someone waiting for the next one. And who knows... maybe something useful could have come out of meeting that certain person.

Each dilemma we face is truly a test from Allah swt and how we handle each situation shows Allah swt not only our ability to reason and rationalize, handle adversities, our character, but also we are putting ourselves in front of Allah as to how we would react on the Day of Judgement. And Allah even says that "After hardship will always come ease." Nor does Allah burden a being more than he can bear. So regardless of how much we suffer and go through extreme pain, if we endure it with patience and gratitude, at the end of it will always be something to relax and fall back on. Remember: After hardship will always come ease.

Wa Alaikum Salaam
Salaam Alaikum,

Every Ramadan, I set up so many goals for myself that by the end of Ramadan, I realize that I have yet o accomplish at least one of them. I become so excited in my own anticipations that I don't even have a set plan for myself. It's always "gotta do XYZ" but XYZ unfortunately never gets completed.

All the emotional excitement and the anxiety of fulfilling such and such deeds becomes so overwhelming and I can't figure out where to begin. There's just SO much I want to do and at this time, when Shaytan and all evil are locked away is perhaps the best time to clean up on my deen. And I pity those who won't take advantage of this blessed month.

But seriously, I wanna accomplish so much this Ramadan and become a better person-- inwardly, outwardly and as the lowest slave of Allah swt. I simply don't get how anyone can actually abandon praying, reading Qur'an and Allah's commandments and think that Ramadan is all about fasting and that's it. In fact, Salaat is the 2nd pillar of Islam.

I had a whole bunch of stuff I was gonna write but I forgot.
But pretty much I wanted to say how every Ramadan, all I did was pray and fast and that was it and this Ramadan, I'm gonna InshaAllah do so much more, like read Qur'an or at least try to finish it this month.

I've already taken small steps.
1. Reduce amount of time on net.
2. No talking to males unnecessarily- I've already removed males from my contact list
3. No music- I've replaced my playlist with Nasheeds with NO music
4. Pray on time and make an effort to do Taraweeh
5. Read at least 1.5 juz of Qur'an a day
6. Watch the tongue
7. Struggle to keep anger out of interfering with the day
8. Make dhikr

There's more but this is what I am gonna work on in the beginning and add more of it on later throughout Ramadan.

But yah, Ramadan is definitely a struggle. You have to get up to eat suhoor, go back to sleep if you can and wake up again for work and/or school. And then when you wanna pray Taraweeh, you have to endure the hours of it, come home late and try to get enough sleep and the same thing continues every day. But you know what? It's a good kind of struggle because all of it is for the sake of Allah swt and all thsoe rewards will add up one day InshaALLAH. Wa hua 3aala kulli sheii2in 8adr. And He is the one who has Power over ALL.

Ramadan Mubarak to everyone.

Wa Alaikum Salaam
Salaam Alaikum,

You know how by nature friends come and go, change with changing years, and perhaps even distant themselves away from you because of whatever reasons? Yah, that happens to everyone, I'm assuming.

So, I have this awesome new best friend, Milah. Like, we are SO similar. I find myself constantly chatting with her, asking for advice, babbling on about my day and of course, ranting on and on about nothing in general. We text back and forth the entire day about complete bakwaas. But behind all of that, she is extremely sweet, has the brains I lack in and gives me the coolest ideas, some of which later turn out into blog posts.

I'm the joking kind of person where at times, I have a hard time being serious and even when I try, I end up saying something I shouldn't simply because I'm not the serious type of being. Milah, nonetheless, is the same way I am but when we put our minds together, we click and ideas pour out of us whereas if we were to do things separately, we'd have a huge burden on our hands.

She has been the most helpful and considerate person in the past few months. Not only has she helped me write one of the most important papers of the year, but she has also been a support system for me, someone to fall back on when I become weak in the knees. Throughout the day, we end up speaking at least once. Yes, she has a tendency of going off on tangents but they're awesome because that's where we get our ideas from. When I'm heartbroken, upset, angry or plain confused, Milah somehow finds a way to turn the deck whereas without her, I'd be in the bitter mood for several hours before giving up.

I don't know how she does what she does but I can seriously say that I am immensely grateful for clashing into her because to be honest, she's such a generous friend. We laugh, rant and cry at the same time and if not, we can always make something up to make the other feel better. Right now, she's in the process of making a guide about how guys and girls think. Apparently, she's some sort of gender relations kung-fu master thingy.

On a serious note, I can safely say that she is my best friend, without a doubt because the amount of time she invests in helping me get through the day is incredible. The things I say or do is nowhere near close enough to the times she has pushed me a little bit further down the road. Thank you Milah, so so SO much. xXx

Wa Alaikum Salaam
Salaam Alaikum,

Very often I find that while conversing with human being X, whatever I say gets twisted around into something I didn't say. Pretty much, in the process, person X is unable to quote me word for word and thus, adds in a little bit of this and that and ends up putting words in my mouth. Such an act is vulgar, repulsive and even haraam because we all know that lying, misquoting, and misinforming is haram. If whatever person X is doing intentionally is to annoy or get a kick out of oneself, person X should be aware of what a grave sin it is.

Therefore, it's extremely annoying when I am talking and I say one thing, and it's as if my words go in through a pipe and come out the other in a whole different twisted combination-- a different meaning than the former.

And then there are people who make petty judgements and say things like "it's judgemental Muslims like you who give us all a bad rap--no offense (I'm trying to say this in the nicest way possible, please don't take offense). Let's all better our religion by focusing on ourselves first, and on other aspects... who cares. that's up to them, God, and their hijabi mothers to decide. you remind me of a gossipping "Aunty" as you guys call them, I think."

That entire comment is extremely judgemental and hypocritical on their part.

First of all, human being #1:
You're the one judging me by saying I judged those aunties, k? So yah, practice what you preach. I was giving an example of what I have witnessed and in fact, lived with. It'd be a shame if everything we said turned out to be a judgement. Just because you say "no offense" doesn't make something non offensive. Stop generalizing. Once again, by calling me a judgemental Muslimah without even knowing me personally, you're being judgeMENTAL yourself. Once again, by saying something offensive and then saying "I'm saying it in the nicest way as possible" doesn't make the former comment any less offensive. You're labeling me as someone who gossips, once again, you're being judgemental. To sum it all up: You're a being who WE call as someone who dishes out bakwaas to make themselves seem all religious and following the deen very well, when in fact you cannot simply follow whatever you spit out. In conclusion, WE call you a hypocrite. How about YOU go ahead and clean up your dirty attitude, practices and come back here and say whatever bakwaas you just spitted out as a MUSLIM would say... aka, stop generalizing, assuming, being offensive, being a hypocrite and most of all, judging other Muslims before you judge your own character and conduct.

Jeez, I extremely despise these judgeMENTAL, hypocritical LOSERS we call Human Beings. Yes, I know I make these petty mistakes, too, and I'm not all so innocent but when someone refers to something as "posts like yours," "People like you" and etc, they make it a personal offense, so watch out for those. It's like pointing a direct finger at the receiver at a first glance and acting like they know everything about you when in fact, they're clueless, dimwitted skulls can't even fathom the mere idea of being a "rational, kind human being." But, I love this person for the sake of Allah swt.

And it's not just one person, it's a constant thing that goes on in forums, society and daily lives.
To sum it all up, YOU SUCK AS A HUMAN BEING!

Wa Alaikum Salaam
Salaam Alaikum,

Recently, I have been torn between drastic feelings-- ambiguous, disillusional and somewhat disturbing. I'm not entirely sure if what I feel is absolutely right or not, but in my heart and mind, I feel that it truly is a test from Allah swt, and none other than Him.

Each time I feel lonely, upset, angry or confused, all I want to do is punch the wall and let that anger out. Unfortunately, I refrain; I literally hold myself back from kicking the wall or door down and most importantly, from bruising my weak and freakishly petite hands. I end up becoming extremely frustrated and obnoxious not only toward myself but to those around me and I can't help but feeling guilty after I have calmed down.

Now, after quite some time, I have come to accept the fact that despite whatever happens, whether bad or good, ALL of it is from Allah Swt as He is testing my patience and gratitude.
Being heartbroken hurts like no other and it's unfortunate that it's a mix of emotional and physical feeling. But today, after being busy the entire day and sitting down for a while in solitude, I've come to the conclusion that feeling such emotions is actually a blessing from Allah swt.

When my mind is racing through so many thoughts, feelings and bitter anger, I am able to safely assume that all these feelings will one day diminish InshaAllah and in the meantime, I can at least find something else to do to occupy my time. But simultaneously, such a feeling is a blessing because I am capable of doing things I would never have done. For example, ever since I began to feel a bit depressed and lonely, I started to become more religious. Not only did I want to prove everyone around me how wrong they may have been about my intentions and how I'm not motivated to do anything to prove my Imaan or Deen, I found myself going the extra two miles to prove them all wrong. And in the process, I actually enjoyed what I learned and after a while, instead of it becoming an activity to overturn someone's words, it became an act solely for the sake of Allah swt and no one other than that.

So, you know how they say that whatever happens happens for the best? They're right. Seriously, look where I am now and where I was months, even years ago. Before now, I used to waste my time on the net, sitting around for absolutely no one in general when I could be using that time wisely. Now, after removing all males from my messenger list, I am no longer waiting for anyone. Instead, I am using that time to read articles, watch lectures, watch videos and not just for entertainment but also for my own improvement in the knowledge area. Having a rush of such hurtful feelings have opened a whole new door for me that if it hadn't happened, I would otherwise be in that same box-- wasting my time, becoming bitter, and running around in circles.

There's no other feeling as great as wanting to please Allah swt and I feel such a blessing for all of this happening the way they did and I am even happier knowing that I am actually pleasing Allah swt. I'm no longer putting off salaat 'till the last minute, sitting idle, or procrastinating about anything in general. Finally, I am at content with myself, my intentions and any regrets I may have had. And all of this is from Allah swt. Being heartbroken, truly, is a blessing.

Wa Alaikum Salaam
Salaam Alaikum,

I've been feeling very blessed lately and at ease. I don't know what I did to gain this but I can honestly say that after a long time, my heart is at ease and content with not only myself, but my surroundings, too and I've realized that blocking out each and every problem with thoughts of Allah and His Mercy has helped me a lot. I have been surrounded by people who give no damn care about Allah or His commandments. Each time I step on the prayer mat, I get yelled at to switch rooms because I am interfering with their TV time, and each and everytime that happens, I get a kick out of it. Main reason being is that I love it how I stop work each day to bow my head toward Allah in obedience yet these people are more worried about missing their show. It's too funny and I can't help but feeling at content knowing that it pisses the damn hell out of them.

I just don't get how anyone can bother to retaliate in the presence of me while I'm focusing on Allah swt, curse at me, and even go as far as refusing to get out of the way so I can pray at peace.

You know what pisses me off more? My sister. I hate how she resorts to degrading me, my morals, ignore my mere presence and treat me worse than the lowest animal. She continually harasses and abuses me verbally and her mentality and hatred toward me is so immense that I can no longer feel any remorse for her. All this enmity she has in my direction is enough to quit conversing with her. It seems as though the more I show patience, gratitude and kindness toward her, the more she treats me with sarcasm and hatred. It has been way too long and I simply cannot fathom how one human being can have such animosity for another. I have gone out of my way to talk to her, show her I will be patient and kind regardless of the situations and each and everytime, I receive the same coldest, mean and angry responses. I don't know what I did but I hope Allah swt will pay her back for every single sufferings she has caused me and if not, may He show His Mercy on her. InshaALLAH.

As of now, I no longer have any more compassion, love, or gratitude for this evil, conniving, hateful girl. Yes, I HATE her but at the same time, I will always continue to give her my hands in forgiveness and help. May she be guided to the right path, InshaAllah. Ameen.

Wa Alaikum Salaam
Salaam Alaikum,

Over the past few days, I have had such an Imaan rush. I can't tell if it's good or not, but it definitely is an amazing yet overwhelming feeling. I so badly want to be the best Muslimah I am capable of in this lifetime, let go of useless things, and focus on My Creator, the BEST and most MERCIFUL of all. And I want to do all of this now. So I began to make beneficial use of my internet time since I'm online all day, anyway. I pulled up different lectures, shaykhs, Imans and started listening and watching those videos. Believe me, I've learned a whole lot on it.

Next came the most difficult thing: Removing males from my contact list. I didn't know how they would react to it but I did what I did for the sole cause of pleasing Allah swt. At the moment, I was unsure of whether I was doing the right thing or not but then when I thought of how much I would please Allah swt, how much I would benefiting from this and lessen sins, and most importantly, I would be one more step closer in focusing on none other than Allah swt. No guy, no person and certain no materialistic thing is ever any worth than the amount of Love, Mercy and Compassion I have for Allah swt. I did get responses back which questioned my intention because it wasn't as if I removed certain males and kept some, but rather I removed ALL. I don't get why anyone would be mad if my main intention was for pleasing none other than Allah. Chatting unnecessarily with males is a total waste of time and energy-- time I could be using to learn more about Islam instead of falling into Shaytan's trap.

From now on, I'm gonna be taking small steps InshaALLAH in order to fulfill whatever mission I need to so that Allah swt is content with me and once I have established these fundamentals, I can work even harder in reaching Jannah. InshaAllah.

Wa Alaikum Salaam
Salaam Alaikum,

Ramadan is approaching soon, only a few days left. And recently, a thought just popped into my head... what if I started wearing hijab during Ramadan and started to continue wearing it even after Ramadan and InshaALLAH throughout my life on this Earth? And then I realized how much blessings I would receive, please Allah swt, my parents and myself as well. Not only that, but it'd give a whole lot of meaning to what defines a Muslimah in a stereotypical environment. And the best part is that I would have one way of spreading dawah in a community of being the only practicing Muslimah.

You know, I was really excited about the idea. In fact, I wanted to do it from a while back but the stupidest reasons were holding me back. And now, those reasons are nothing compared to how much I will actually please my Creator.

Even though it makes me feel a bit nervous and scared, I'm immensely excited at the same time. Taking a 4 year gap from hijab has stripped me of so much confidence that putting it back on is actually making the entire process scary.
I feel as though I'll end up with cold-feet and back out as I'm about to head out of my room. But then a sister sent me a PM saying:
Alhamdulillah sis, I think you've taken a BIG step in the right direction to start thinking about wearing the hijab. :D Let us remember to always have the correct intention when doing something, so we don't waver. You know what might help when wearing it is: At the height of your iman when your thinking about all the beautiful amazing things hijab has to offer you write it ALL down and then next time when your iman feels down or you think maybe not such a good idea after all - you just get the piece of paper ( pinned to your hijab at ALL times lol) and read it. Trust me this works! Reminder to both of us: ' Beware! Look at whom you are disboeying, rather than the size of the sin'. May Allah make it easy for us, its not easy being an outcast and being the only one but its just another test. May Allah give us the strength and courage to Obey Him.

You know, that's such a wonderful idea. I already have a list. :D
SO InshaALLAH, I am looking forward to this Ramadan and wearing the hijab. Please make du3a2 that it becomes easier with time and that I actually stick to it. May we all work hard to reach our ultimate goal: Jannah. Ameen.

Wa Alaikum Salaam